Friday, January 27, 2012

The Spoon Conundrum

How is it possible for a spoon to be a deadly weapon?! Well it is. In fact it is entirely possible, and if you are me, then it is also entirely likely to endure the wrath of the spoon. I have said this before, and I will say it again, I bruise like a soft peach. Right, so let me explain; about a week and a half ago, I was violently assualted by a spoon (and by that I mean I dropped it on my foot), so obviously the result was a slight reddening of the skin (and by that I mean a massive bruise that still hasn't gone away). I would simply like to know how on earth one can be injured so violently by a spoon of all things.

Unfortunatly I think I am one of those people who does stupid things, I know, it runs in the family - the "twig" and the "you think you know me but you don't" incidents come to mind, so actually anyway you look at it, there is no escaping this tendency to do stupid things. For me anyway. My ever growing list includes blinding myself by melting my eyelashes together (it's got a lot to do with too much mascara and a hot oven), talking to someone about "someone else" only to discover I'm describing this person to themself, and nearly strangling myself with my own scarf in an attempt to take it off too hurriedly, amongst MANY other things.

I have however developed quite the knack for looking like I meant to do something; like "yes, I did mean to run for the bus, dig in my bag for my purse, then stop, curse under my breath, turn on my heel and walk in the opposite direction", (turns out I'd left my purse at home). Or "yes I did mean to violently throw my phone across the floor to be left standing like a startled fish with silent earphones hanging out my ears". Or my most common one "yes I did mean to do a little pirouette leap on the pavement because I didn't see that car coming round the bend as I almost stepped out into the road...". See, I'm a natural.

My most annoying stupid thing, however, is apparently quite commonplace (I've heard it described by at least one comedian). That embarrassing moment when yout speak after a while of having not spoken, and your voice either comes out all weird and squeaky, or all scary and deep and croaky. Luckily, the British people in general are too conservative to point out that you've just made yourself look like a complete fool, so they just do that smiley head nod thing that people do when they're embarrassed for you.

So what I've learnt from all this stupidity is:

not to rush things (as I will either strangle myself, or throw a weeks worth of washing across the floor infront of complete strangers),

to pretend to be really confident when you do something embarrassing "yes I meant to walk in here, (realise I was in the wrong place) look at my phone like I've just remembered something and walk out",

and most of all, not to underestimate the danger of the common, household spoon.

1 comment:

  1. hahahahahahahahahaha Ariel, you are SO funny, thanks for making laugh! You ARE a natural: am missing laughing with you. xxx